i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
