I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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