SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
