If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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