the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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