I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
