i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
