Define "chronic" masturbator.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
