Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
