I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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