if only i could text you this smell
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
