Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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