hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
