can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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