somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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