I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
