The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
