If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
