Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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