Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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