I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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