bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
