I wanna passion pit in your ass
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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