That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
