She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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