got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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