We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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