i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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