Me too!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found puke in my bra..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
