Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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