This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
