Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
