I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
