bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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