Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
