Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
