You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
