Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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