Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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