So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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