Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
