i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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