My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
