I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
