i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
