so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
