Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
