Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
