the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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