chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
