We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize