He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
