Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
