i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
