the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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