Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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