i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
