I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
