Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
