so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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