gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
