I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
