hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
