Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize