so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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