Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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