I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
