if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
