Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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