I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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