I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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