Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
