vagina is talking i cant
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
