ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
