Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
