the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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