It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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