the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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