sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
