watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
