I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
