You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I met the friendliest cop last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
