I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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