its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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